For the past couple of months I've been really out of touch with my yoga practice so I thought maybe writing about would help me to fall in love with my practice again and it has and now I'm ready to share.
When I first started practicing yoga I honestly did it because I looked at the amazing Instagram yogis and I wanted to be as strong and sexy as them. I wanted to be able to press up into a handstand and told my body in a million impossible ways (And eventually I kind of did) and then I got bored but thay boredom made me realise that there was so much more to yoga than just the physical practice. And this realisation came after my yoga teacher training in Nairobi, Kenya where we meditated like monks thrice a day and did tons of introspection and self-growth which was amazing and so a little fire of passion arose in my belly and i was once more smitten by yoga.
I came back to Namibia and I was practicing like an addict; I had to push my body to its limits and force myself to meditate every day but then I got bored again and this time my boredom compelled me to seek more yoga knowledge and deepen my practice in ways that couldn't be boasted on Instagram or Facebook. I got into reading about mantras (positive affirmations), chanting, more introspection, eating healthy, taking better care of my temple by watching my drinking and fighting desperately to quit smoking cigarettes, the works. My travel limb was itching and this time it took me to a Seva Safari (basically community work while travelling) Yoga Retreat in Cape Town where I met about 15 yogis from the US! These people were serious yogis, they practiced a shit load of yoga and it showed: their bodies were amazing and even their energies - filled with peace, lightness and a sort of joy that lingered in the air around them. Upon return to Namibia I got even deeper into my practice and teaching that's when I started incorporating pranayama (breathing exercises) to my practice and yoga became my drug and my muse again.
My practice was growing and there was a deep urge or calling to travel to India, a long time dream of mine, even in my life pre-Yoga. So I used all the money that I'd saved from teaching yoga to travel to Maharashtra in India to live in an Ashram and study Yoga Psychology. I was in deep ya'll, it was the real deal with real yogis, The Originals bruh! The guys that mediate for months and years, hermits, people that could probably really fold there bodies in about a billion different ways without a gasp or the blink of an eye. I ate vegan the entire time, I practiced karma yoga (where you do lots of service or work without expecting anything in return), practiced yoga on Indian mountains, are mindfully (Like where you chew each note of good 32 times appreciating every bite I'm silence), all while attending yoga and psychology lectures and practicing 6 times a day. Needless to say, we went HAM (Hard As a Mother-lover)!
I came back and got even deeper into my practice, I peaked in my practice and then life started to get in the way and I let it. I allowed myself to go for days without practicing, started eating badly and neglected my health in too many ways. I was bad. And now I'm here and this is what I've learned:
It's never only about the end goal, it's about the Journey, the experience, the adventure. So even though I'm in a tough spot right now it's not the end.
It was never about yoga itself, it was about me spending my time in myself, Loving myself, growing stronger inside and outside, dedicating time to my health to self-care.
It's not over. I love yoga and I probably always will. I want to be THAT granny posting handstand pics and mediating between naps while teaching my grandkids how to breathe deep and truly be in the moment.
And so it shall be according to me.